We were playing cards one night. I remember the square, white, plastic kid’s table we used to play on. It’s still in our house, no longer white but grey and full of scratches. We called it the memory game. We would lay all the cards facing downward, one by one in a grid. Then each player could flip two cards every turn. Getting a pair right would mean the player gets to keep the cards and flip two more cards. The one with the most pairs by the end of the game wins.

My uncle played with us that night. My aunt and he weren’t married then, but still dating. I remember how we were just playing and I might have talked back at him like I did when I was upset or didn’t get my way. And then he told me, “You’ve changed. You’ve become a bad girl.” My world stopped as I was hit by the gravity of his words. “You’ve become a bad girl.” Simple words, but it resonated. I felt so guilty. I reflected on my life and wondered what I had been doing to warrant this remark. I had always been a good girl. I wanted to prove him wrong. I wanted to start controlling my emotions and my temper more so I would never be called a bad girl again. It was a life-changing remark, so to speak. I was only around 7 years old.

shocked person
How I must have looked back then when I was called a “bad girl”

Now I am 28, turning 29 this year. I still remember that time. Not the full details, but the way I felt at that moment. Ashamed, guilty, sad. And I think that affected me in so many ways. I always control my emotions more than I did back then. I’m still emotional, but I hold back better, especially to other people. I try harder to keep my “good girl” reputation, struggling to steer clear from any “bad girl” remarks.

When my uncle visited recently, I asked if he remembered saying that. He said he didn’t recall it at all. It’s funny how he doesn’t, because that molded who I am in one way or another. The point of the story really is how we should always be cautious about what we say to children, because a thoughtless phrase or a carefully-crafted sermon could leave a lifetime impression.

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